By Anoushka Beazley, Certified Transactional Analyst
Childhood emotional neglect shows itself in a myriad of different ways. If a caregiver or parent is unable to validate a child’s emotional needs they miss tuning into the essence of who the child is, their uniqueness. Continuous misattunements can traumatise a child in the same way as an isolated traumatic experience but often it is only as an Adult do we notice how the effects of CEN can encroach on our daily lives. Below are just a few of the signs:
- Fear of rejection
- Feelings of emptiness
- Lack of self-compassion
- Not feeling good enough
- Feeling over sensitive
- Needing constant reassurance
- Fear of abandonment
- Feeling over emotional or over sensitive
- Scared of conflict
- Difficulty in making and maintaining relationships
- Problems with intimacy
- Fear of being seen
- Lack of boundaries
Origins of Childhood Emotional Neglect
There is no manual with which to raise children and neither do you need any special qualifications. The truth is that adults are rarely emotionally ready to embark on what is an extremely important and unpredictable job, and yet that is what we do.
When we think of inheritance we tend to think of money and property however what exists within the family in previous generations can be passed down in the form of emotional inheritance.
These can include mental health problems, diagnosed or undiagnosed.
Physical illness in the parent.
Cultural Expectation.
An ill sibling.
Narcissism.
Trauma.
War.
The list of symptoms which identify Childhood Emotional Neglect might also be identified by the client as symptoms associated with their parents. Families often repeat patterns of behaviour through the generations.
Healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect
We tend to find therapy when the absence of what was needed in our childhood begins to affect our mental health. The work between myself and a client is based in attachment and it is by exploring our relationship with attachment that we can begin to understand ourselves better. This is not about blame – you are not responsible for your wounds but your healing is your responsibility. What this requires is acknowledging the parts of our past which are so significant they are connected to us in our present in potentially unhelpful ways. In a nurturing space, working in the here and now, the client is able to learn about their own emotions and work towards living their life in a meaningful and contented way. Working with a therapist in an emotionally responsive environment allows the client to discover new ways of being in the world, with themselves and with others.
Anoushka Beazley is a psychotherapist working with individuals affected by childhood related trauma and emotional neglect.
Childhood and Generational Trauma
By Sophia Arthur Uchendu, Integrative Psychotherapist >
In many families, there are hidden stories of pain that have affected family members for
generations. These stories are often about childhood and generational trauma. In therapy we
would focus on these issues to help you find relief and understanding.
What is Childhood and Generational Trauma?
Childhood trauma includes experiences like neglect, abuse, or seeing violence that can upset a child’s emotional growth. These experiences can leave deep scars that might show up as anxiety, sadness/depression, or difficulty in forming close relationships during adulthood. Generational trauma is when these pain points aren’t just experienced by one person but are passed down through families. This can happen through behaviours, emotional reactions, and even small actions that children pick up from their parents. With childhood trauma, it’s not just about what happened but can also be what did not happen that should have.
I care deeply about helping people heal from these traumas. In therapy, we would look at how past traumas and current problems are connected, and then work to stop these issues from continuing. The starting point is to help you understand your own story, which is the first
step to healing. By using psychotherapy and a healthy dose of psychoeducation, I’d give you, by yourself, or with your family/ group the tools you need to move past your traumas.
Healing is possible, and it begins here. It’ll be an honour to go on the journey with you to heal the wounds of the past and look forward to a more settled tomorrow.
